I'm thinking that if we start cooking today, it should be ready by Thanksgiving (of next year). I love this time of year. The months that you spend dieting come down to 2 weeks in November and, let's face it, all of December. I, Jeremy Glass, have not lost a pound. In fact, the weight that I thought I lost came back with overwhelming reinforcements. So, in a fashion the French would be proud of (who coined the term "French Fries" and "French Toast"), I surrendered. I feel that there is now a lot more of me to love now.
Christmas time stresses me out. Everyone (Carrie), keeps asking for my Christmas list. Dire consequences (that I can't even mention) are threatened if I don't comply. The problem is, I have no idea what I want. Really. That's the stressful part right there. I don't mind the shopping (we have an unusually rich assortment of dumpsters in the area, if you can get the bums out), but it's telling people what I want. Let's face it: what I want, you can't get me. A million bucks, a house in southern Italy, a fat transplant that moves it all from my stomach to my arms to make me look buff, all of these dreams are for naught. Who wants to hope for a million dollars, only to open up their gift to see...Musk of Dead Ox cologne. Joy to the world, I'm wearing dead cattle cologne.
Well, I might as well wrap this up. If you are getting me something for Christmas, just get me money. Trust me, that's the most personal gift I could ever ask for.
7 comments:
You want to look like Popeye??
Lucky you, I had plenty of other people to buy for and I didn't get as far as you guys!
Not Popeye necessarily, but I have an hourglass figure. The sand is already at the bottom. I would like for the sand to be a little closer to the top.
Jer
Why not ask for it to be put in your head, then?
I don't know about Musk of Dead Ox, but there's some pretty nasty stuff by Avon right now that should be perfect. Eau De Raw Sewage, or something like that.
I don't want to look like a bobblehead, Carrie (not more than I do now, at least). It's always the ones that are named after character attributes that smell the worst. (Temptation, Good Personality...etc)
Jer
Better than smelling like toiletries
Grandpa Glass
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